


Harlequin

by LFD072936



Category: DCU, Joker (2019)
Genre: Arkham Asylum, Blossoming Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/M, My First Fanfic, it might be long, it's vaguely a harley quinn story, not out of character, she has a different name
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-02-01 03:15:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21352786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LFD072936/pseuds/LFD072936
Summary: She liked working in Arkham. She enjoyed it even more after finding out that her idol is in there.
Relationships: Arthur Fleck/Original Female Character(s), Joker/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 26





	1. Fresh Meat

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a fanfic I strated writing after watching the Joker movie. It is similar to the movie as I'm aiming for an origin story for my Harley Quinnesque character, because I don't think the comic book one fits the movie's tone. That's why I changed her name and tagged it as an original character, because she is different but ultimitely will serve the same purpose. The first chapter has criminally little Arthur in it, so sorry about that, but I had to build it a little. This is the first fic I ever posted so I happily take constuctive criticism.

She had been working at Arkham for little over a year now. She liked it although with most things she could make peace and be content no matter what cards she was handed. Of course this wasn’t what she wanted to do originally, she wanted to be a dancer, which she practically was up until a misfortunate misunderstanding (as her mother called it) put her in prison.  
\- What do you want to do after you get out? – her probation officer asked one week before her release.  
\- What do you mean? I’m a dancer, I dance… that’s what I’m gonna do.  
\- Lola, you know you cannot go back to your old company after what happened.  
\- So? This is a big city, there’s plenty of fish in the sea.  
\- Look… word’s got around. No sane person would hire you as a dancer. You have to come up with something more… realistic.  
\- So then what do you suggest? I am not trained in anything other than dancing, I have no skills. Should I sweep the filthy streets of Gotham so that you can check it off of a to-do-list, while telling me how much cleaning up other people’s shit is helping me to get back on my feet?  
\- Come on, there surely must be something that you would like to do.  
The probation officer was too persistent to shrug off so after a few suggestions she agreed to try this job. The hospital was on such a staff shortage that it only took a 10-day training for an ex-convict who was sentenced for assault to start working there. Of course she was not allowed to do anything medical or touch any drugs, but she did help out with anything else she could from feeding to making the beds and mostly interacting with patients. She was placed in the eastern wing due to her past where the lighter patients resided, those who generally did not pose a threat to anyone other than themselves. Lola proved herself to be an excellent employee over the months, despite her criminal record no incidents occurred and she was adored by the patients she took care of and the feeling was seemingly mutual. She surprisingly had immense patience and gentleness towards them.  
That day however she was called into her supervisor’s office out of the blue. She knocked on her door at around noon and stepped in confidently.  
\- Hey, Josie!  
\- Hey, Angel! Have a seat… - she sat down opposite of her supervisor, a sweet old lady with immaculate style. Lola always adored the intricate braids she could put into her greying hair. – How are things going?  
\- Amazing as always… you know me – she said with a wide smile.  
\- Yeah, yeah I do. So – she usually cut straight to the point – you’ve been with us for over a year now… - Lola heard the hesitation in her voice. Something was wrong.  
\- Are you letting me go, Josie? – her voice wasn’t worrying more confused.  
\- No, God no… listen the thing is… there was a situation over at west and I need to switch you up with someone.  
\- Sure, no problem.  
\- Yeah? – Josie raised an eyebrow.  
\- Absolutely. It’s even closer to my stop.  
\- But you know that the west is one of the more, well… problematic wings. And you will get an all new supervisor, new colleagues…  
\- That’s alright. I think I can handle it.  
\- Okay – she said with a slight surprised tone. – Thank you for being so understanding.  
\- No… - Lola leaned forward a bit – Thank you for giving me a chance for change.  
The next week she started her shift at the notorious western wing. She was greeted by one of the nurses who was assigned to show her around, although it did not seem like she volunteered for it. Oh, how wildly different this part of the hospital was. Almost all rooms were for one person, the doors were made from metal and heavy latches protected the outside from anyone that was on the inside. Guards were patrolling the floors and almost all patients outside of their cell were at least handcuffed if not forced into a straightjacket.  
The nurse led Lola up on one of the lesser used back stairs.  
\- This is the staff area – she continued her never-ending tale of dos and don’ts. – A little bit onward there is a kitchen and a room with some beds, although I heard that you’re not allowed to take any night shifts – Lola frowned. No she wasn’t, but why did everyone have to be aware of that? Why was her past such common knowledge even on a wing she never even entered before? – But sometime we do like to take naps. A little further back are the women’s restrooms and next to them the showers. Why they put them so far from the beds still baffles me… but make sure to always lock the shower with your keys especially if you’re inside, because we have some incidents from time to time.  
\- Wait… what kind of incidents?  
\- Those patients who manage to wander off are especially drawn to this place to give a little surprise visit.  
\- Oh… we never had anything like that. On my previous wing incident meant someone spilt their OJ – the nurse gave a mocking laugh.  
\- Welcome to the wild west, Page – Lola did not laugh though, if anything she wondered how can some patients just walk into a staff shower with all these safety precautions.  
Their tour continued pretty smoothly, they walked and she talked on end. She finally halted in front of the entrance of the communal room.  
\- Now about some of our patients. The worst are Flynt, 7-foot guy, pure muscle. He is restrained at all times, but he sure likes to bite and if he spontaneously faints close to you, don’t try to catch him. Then there’s Marigold… she hates everyone younger than her, so more and more people every year, I would just avoid her all together. And last but not least, there’s Fleck. He is currently stable on his meds, but he has some authority over the other patients. If I were you I would put my sunshine and rainbows approach that might have worked back at your old wing aside and be little more tough or else this place will crush you, but… I would try to stay on Fleck’s good side.  
\- But why do the other patients respect him so much?  
\- How old even are you? – the nurse laughed again. She was rude, but Lola decided to just swallow it for now. – He is Arthur Fleck… the guy who killed Murray Franklin a while back. Ring a bell?  
Lola’s face lit up. She never would have admitted it to anyone, but she adored that clown. She thought he was an icon, the face of the protests she desperately wanted to attend, but her mother forced her to stay in their spotless suburban house, that the garbage strike could not reach. Oh, and that television broadcast that she had the privilege to see live… brilliant. She did not condone murder, but he executed it so theatrical and with much flare. Honestly she wouldn’t mind someone killing her either, if it happened in such a stylish way.  
\- Wait up… you mean to tell me that you have the Joker in this wing? – she couldn’t hide her excitement.  
\- Yes, but why are you so happy about it?  
\- You never met a celebrity, huh? – Lola laughed. Now it was her turn to make the nurse uncomfortable and looked down upon.  
\- Stop laughing! – she hissed. – He’s not a celebrity, and trust me… you will be disappointed when you see him. Now get in, and do your job!  
She forced a serious look on her face as they walked in. The room was more bleak and depressing than the one at her old wing, this one clearly had more insanity in the air. She could feel almost every patient looking at her, those at least who were aware of their surroundings, and it made her uneasy. She completed the tasks upon tasks given to her wondering which one could the Joker be, but she just couldn’t tell. Finally, she approached one of her colleague who’s face seemed familiar.  
\- Hey, which one is Fleck?  
\- Don’t look right away, but it’s the one who didn’t stop staring at you ever since you arrived – she said with a grimace on her face. – I mean the one by the window. – she had to correct herself, because most patients were still staring at Lola.  
\- I surely am interesting.  
\- Well, you know how it is… you’re fresh meat. – she returned the smile, because the worker had no wrong intentions, but being called fresh meat was not something Lola thrived on.  
As promised she did not look at the window’s direction, but rather went back to doing her job, feeding patients, getting them blankets etc., but after a while she couldn’t help herself. Masking it as a simple glance to the clock on the wall above the man, she could finally look at him. The man was alone with nothing but a notebook in front of him, but at the moment he wasn’t focused on that. He was smoking and looking at her. He blew out some smoke as their eyes locked and took another drag. The nurse did not exaggerate; he really was a lot different than she expected. He was thin and frail, his face wrinkly, but that look… oh that was something to die for. He was practically piercing her with his gaze and she could feel blood rush into her cheeks. She quickly looked down unable to do anything else, but from the corner of her eyes she could see him smile with satisfaction. Bastard. It was so amusingly annoying she had to smile, but made sure to turn away, so he didn’t see it.  
She went on with her tasks, being sent here and there around the floor. So far she wasn’t too impressed by this wing, how somber and grey everything was, despite the walls being painted to a pretty yellow color somehow the air was grey. But there was one positive thing: Arthur. She was desperate to talk to him, even though he surely was nothing like she expected, but it only made her more curious. How much did he change, how much did the meds tone him down, was that whole persona just for television? It was impossible to tell as of yet.


	2. The Good Laugh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Lola can finally have a convesation and get to know each other a bit.

The week went by like quicksilver as most days proved to be eventful, but Lola truly felt like she got the hang of it after a few days. She mostly did what she liked the most about this job: socializing with patients, listening to their stories or anything they rambled about. For her it was like looking into an alternative version of reality through someone else’s eyes. She also adjusted herself well enough to the morning rush of the hospital, arriving a bit early so she spent her last couple of minutes before clocking in at the staff’s room calmly looking at Gotham’s dark, grimy morning by the window while sipping her morning tea. The room was packed around the shift change even making the corner she was at a noisy place to be. Some were having their breakfast, some were playing cards on the table and some were just talking or rather trying to out scream the other groups. It didn’t bother Lola though, noise was something prison teaches you to tolerate, but suddenly she heard her name.  
\- How did your first week go? – she had no idea what the guy’s name was or how did he know hers, but she gave him a faint smile nonetheless.  
\- It went well. They’re a bit different than what I’m used to, but generally nice.  
\- Nice? – someone else from that table chimed in. – I’m sorry, but you can’t think of them as nice… it will be the end of you.  
\- I’d be more than happy to learn that the hard way.  
\- That is so eastern of you, but you’re in the west wing now. You don’t know what you’re in for. These guys aren’t here on their free will, most hate this place and will make you want to hate it too.  
\- So far I’m good – she shrugged, making everyone in the room roll their eyes, but at least they left her alone after that. She quickly finished her tea just in case, to avoid any other conversations someone might strike up with her. Honestly she tried to make friends here, chit-chatting from time to time, smiling at everyone, but she was repulsed by most of the staff. By how proud they were of their omnipresent cruelty towards the patients.  
Lola was assigned to the cafeteria, mostly to patrol and to maybe help to feed some patients who were unable to do it themselves. She had to admit that the people looked much harsher in this part of Arkham, but she still could not imagine herself not being her kindest self with them, even if that will be ‘the end of her’. While looking around her gaze suddenly was met with Arthur’s. They were in the same room from time to time during the past week, smiling or giving each other a small nod, but she just never had the courage to walk up to him for seemingly nothing and star talking. Now here they were, her leaned against the wall, him alone at a table with an unlit cigarette in his hand and some mushy oatmeal in front of him. He was just causally staring. She greeted him with an awkward wave and a smile. Even from afar she could see his lips trembling into a slight smile, but he wasn’t giving her any reaction other than that. She decided to concentrate on the other patients and putting the time of their first real interaction into fate’s hands. Arthur leaned back in his chair, fidgeting with his leg, watching all the workers around him doing their jobs. As soon as the closest one to him was Lola, with a slight movement of his hand he knocked his tray off of the table, making his sad breakfast of oatmeal and soggy fruit salad land on the floor. Each nurse and helper sighed in exhaustion at the same time. A string of awkward eye conversation ensued where everyone stared at all the others with a hurrying look. Of course Lola was encouraged the most to do something since she was the closest in vicinity. She rolled her eyes, but did as the majority pleased. She put down the jug of water she was carrying and headed to Arthur’s table. When she got next to him, he gave her a big-eyed look as if he was saying sorry, but Lola wasn’t taking it.  
\- Is everything alright? – she asked.  
\- Yes… why wouldn’t it? – he smiled at her innocently.  
\- You knocked down your plate on purpose – he didn’t answer for a while, so she just sighed and knelt down to pick up what she could salvage, but she could see him leaning closer to her. The fact that none of her colleagues were alarmed by his movement goes without saying.  
\- Maybe I wanted to see you from a little bit closer – he whispered. His voice paired with his oddly attractive smell of cigarettes sent chills down Lola’s back, but she just looked straight back at him and let out a small chuckle.  
\- You know I work here, right? You can ask me to come by anytime.  
\- Well… - he said, but his voice was raspy as if he was trying to hold back laughter. – I’m free this afternoon.  
\- I’ll make sure to give you a visit – he suddenly blurted out in an oddly nervous laughter but he got a hold of it fairly quickly. She pretended like nothing happened, this wasn’t the weirdest thing she’d seen here. – See you then. – she smiled at him and turned around.  
\- Wait! – he said when she was a couple of steps away. – What’s your name?  
\- I’m Lola.  
\- Hello, Lola… I’m Arthur – he raised his arm and after a moment she shook his hand.  
\- Hello, Arthur. I like that name – and just like that she was gone from the cafeteria.  
\- Lola – he whispered to himself, while lightning his much awaited cigarette.  
Both of them felt like afternoon couldn’t come fast enough. Lola was always fascinated by the man she’d previously known as Joker. As outrageous and shocking as his actions were on TV, she felt oddly attracted to him. As she was banned by her mother to participate in the riots, she only ever saw the benefits of the movement he started. And of course being the edgy teenager she was, she sympathized with the tormented man on screen, who finally had enough courage to stand up against his biggest torturer, society itself. From the comfort of her living room he could be seen as the good guy, but definitely someone to feel sorry for… and she always had a soft spot for that. As for Arthur, not only did he think that Lola was the most attractive worker in here (or patient for that matter of fact), but also she was the only one remotely nice. He didn’t hold it against anyone that they acted cold towards him, it seemed to be a must here, but he really wished they wouldn’t.  
\- He doesn’t want to come out right now, he does that sometimes – a nurse, Ramon answered Lola’s question about Arthur’s whereabouts. – Damn, I will have to get him his meds after I finish this – he mumbled more to himself, but she put it together. What a smart man.  
\- I’ll do it, don’t worry – she said, while patting Ramon’s shoulder reassuringly.  
\- You sure?  
\- Of course… I got you, man.  
Although she was strictly forbidden to touch any medicine, she had faced no barriers obtaining them. No one questioned her authority in the matter.  
Arthur’s door wasn’t locked, which surprised Lola given the serious safety measures, but this was not her main concern at the moment. Ramon could have been a little absentminded or just didn’t care at all. Her stomach curled up as she held onto the door handle. She pulled the door open and leaned against the frame.  
\- Knock-knock. – Arthur sat by his desk scribbling in his notebook, but once he heard her voice he turned around on his chair to face her.  
\- Come in… - he gave her a slight smile.  
\- May I sit?  
\- Sure – he said, but as she got near he closed up his notebook.  
\- I brought you your meds – he took the pills from her and before she could hand him the plastic cup of water she brought he already swallowed them like a thousand times before.  
\- No need – he shook his head, but she put the cup down in front of him nonetheless, in case he wanted to hydrate his weary body.  
\- Open – she ordered him.  
\- You don’t trust me? – he teased back.  
\- Just do it… - she chuckled.  
\- Aaa – he finally complied, sticking his tongue out, showing her how he indeed swallowed the pills. She gave him a small nod, but her eyes wandered down to his weathered notebook.  
\- What are you writing?  
\- Um… - he instinctively shuffled the pages even closer to him. – That’s private.  
\- Oh, alright… sorry. – Arthur looked at her for a while. She was so pretty and nice… like Sophie. But Lola had to talk to her, she couldn’t ignore him she said it herself.  
\- It’s just my thoughts and some jokes, nothing serious. – he couldn’t really put his finger on why he suddenly donned his confident persona, that he more or less built up in here for his old, coyer one. It was almost like he couldn’t do otherwise under her prying gaze.  
\- Jokes? Could you tell me one? – his face lit up, but he squeezed the notebook even harder in his hand.  
\- Yeah, of course… - he said unsurely. It’s been awhile since anyone was interested in the contents of his journal, especially the jokes. The other patients respected and feared his reputation enough not to tease him about it and the nurses just didn’t give a shit. – Okay… - he flipped through the pages quickly, trying to hide the crude cut-outs and drawings, unsuccessfully. The sight made Lola smile a little, but she made sure to force a curious look on her face instead. – Here’s a good one: People are like trees… - he glanced at her in anticipation. - … they fall down when you hit them with an axe. – after a moment of silence Lola burst out laughing. She was fully prepared having to force out a convincing pity-laugh, but this dark cleverness caught her off guard, making her laugh for real. Smile spread on Arthur’s face upon seeing Lola’s reaction. – Do you want to hear another one?  
\- Yeah, absolutely – she said, while still chuckling.  
\- What’s the worst thing about having a mental illness?  
\- I don’t know.  
\- Of course you don’t - he mumbled. She laughed again. – Wait, that wasn’t the joke…  
\- It still was funny, Arthur – his smile widened.  
\- Thanks… - he took a theatrical deep breath and started again. – What’s the worst thing about having a mental illness?  
\- What?  
\- People expect you to behave as if you don’t – she didn’t find this one funny, but forced out a small laugh anyways, not too loud because she didn’t want to mislead him too much.  
\- It’s funny because it’s true… - she said. Arthur couldn’t hide his happiness that she liked his jokes. – Not in here though… Could you imagine how surprised the doctors would be if suddenly everyone started to act normal? They wouldn’t know what to do. – now it was his turn to laugh.  
\- They’d probably send everyone to shock therapy, just to be sure – Arthur said thinking to himself and it made Lola’s honest giggle return. She felt like Arthur had no idea how funny he can be when he’s just being himself.  
Suddenly this idyllic harmony of them just looking at each other, trying to memorize every detail of the other’s smile was disturbed by one of Lola’s colleagues stepping into the room unannounced.  
\- We’re gonna need you on floor 6, Page – there was no way for him to know how unwanted his presence was at that moment. Lola just came in to give Fleck his pills. didn’t she?  
\- Sure – she stood up. – Thank you for this, Arthur, I really needed a good laugh. – and she was already out of the cell, locking the door behind her.  
He wanted to tell her so many things, but he also didn’t want to scare her away, this girl who seemed so innocent and angelic. Maybe if they got to talk again he should ask her about her life. God, he’d hoped this was real… the meds worked for the most part, but just over a month ago he hallucinated his friend Gary to be in here with him. Took him a couple of days and multiple hour-long “conversations” with Gary to realize that it was all in his head. He could feel his laughter emerge, but not the good one like with Lola, it was the one that caused pain and discomfort and chased away so many people. Just not her, if she’s real please not her. At least his condition hadn’t come out in front of her yet. BANG. Arthur let his head fall against his metal desk, while still laughing uncontrollably. And then again, and then again.


	3. Fame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is movie night, but Lola needs a little comforting instead.

As much as they both wanted it, there was no way for them to be alone anywhere. She did sit beside him from time to time at the cafeteria or the com room, but never for too long as she feared her increased attention would be suspicious and despite of her words Arthur didn’t want to bother Lola by constantly looking for her company. When they could talk it was always nice and calming for both of them, but the situation was never right to talk about something more serious. It always was topics like the weather or some hospital gossip, enjoyable but meaningless.  
Though that day somehow they didn’t bump into each other at all. Maybe it was because Lola did not feel well and did all her tasks very goal-oriented to get them over with, thus not paying attention to her surroundings. Arthur very well could have been in sight many times during the day, she just didn’t notice. It was maybe an hour left of her shift, but she decided to head back to the staff’s room early. She was determined not to feel guilty knowing how many times her colleagues would disappear for hours during the day, why couldn’t she allow herself to do the same? She sunk into one of the more remote chairs a little further away from the swarm of the crowd of people already gathering for the nightshift. It wasn’t her lucky day though, not even five minutes passed by before someone approached her. Lola initially thought she’d make small talk with her, but it was something worse.  
\- Hey, girl… needed a little break, huh? – she was one of the other attractive employees in Arkham, but as nice as she was to her colleagues, she was as ruthless and tough with the patients, earning her a fair share of notoriety. – Listen… I know you must be tired, but I have to ask you for a favor. It is movie night and most of our guys are, I mean you can see it yourself, they’re big and burly and they’re perfect for keeping the order during the night shift, but some nutjobs are unsettled by them when they are around while the movie is on.  
\- You have a movie night? – she was too tired to mind what was leaving her mouth. At her old wing there was a TV room where anyone could go to before bedtime, she assumed that this type of entertainment was simply cut out altogether here.  
\- Yeah. – the woman, Annie seemed irritated that Lola didn’t volunteer already and she had to continue her rambling. – It is a little treat for those who behave… you don’t have to worry, only the most stable are allowed to watch and even those are restrained. But we need some day shifters to stay and help out, because it’s a big project each time, you know, lot of these retards. – Lola gave no reaction. - …And I heard you can handle them quite well. – she wanted to say no so badly, but hearing Annie talk about the patients like this, she couldn’t stand the thought of leaving them in her and her company’s hands. Not just Arthur, either of them. They were all nice or at least tolerable, but for Lola they were all people.  
\- Sure… I’ll do it. – she sighed.  
\- That’s great, Lola… you’re gonna enjoy it – she gave a small, reassuring squeeze on her shoulders, although a human-like facial expression would have been more convincing. Well fuck you too, Annie.  
The patients were herded into a room where the TV was set up. They flocked in happily into the small place and found their seats without any incidents, some walking on their own some wheeled in. Although the more violent patients were indeed at least handcuffed, some weren’t restrained at all. Lola reckoned that Annie was not only an asshole, but also a liar. In the rush of trying to get everyone in and to their seats at a reasonable time, she didn’t even realize that Arthur was among those who were allowed to watch the movie. He did notice her and although he was eager to talk to her, he decided to leave it. Not only did she look very busy, he also still lacked the confidence to just walk up to her and start a conversation and maybe even sit on her side. Her kindness towards the other patients didn’t help either, she even hugged one of them and she never hugged him. Suddenly he didn’t feel so special anymore. Disappointed and enraged he sat on a chair closest to the door and watched her from afar as she took a seat a few rows ahead of him. Lola chatted with the patients surrounding her and was smiling at them, just like she had done with him yesterday.  
Arthur barely felt interested in the film anymore, even though movie nights were usually something to look forward to. A nurse pushed the cassette in and turned off the lights. The movie started, illuminating the excited crowd. The title was never revealed beforehand so when it flashed up onscreen the workers always had to count on some loud reactions and this time wasn’t an exception. They all wanted crime and action, but those in command of the movie selection had to walk the fine line between insultingly juvenile and violent or sexual enough to spark attacks, so these movies were mostly off-limits. Some booed loudly when the word “Fame” lit up on the screen, but despite the immense discontent with the choice, not one of them requested to be escorted back into their cell. Arthur had heard about this movie before, back when it came out. It was a musical about the lives of a couple of talented schoolchildren hoping to make it one day in NYC. He had always been interested in this movie, but never gotten to see it, mostly because of the lack of time and money. Maybe this will be an enjoyable night after all.  
The movie went on just fine, not the best one he had ever seen, but he cherished every little drop of entertainment they were given in here. At around the half-hour mark during a scene in a ballet studio, Lola stood up and as quietly as she could started to move towards the door. Arthur assumed that she was headed to the restroom, but when she passed him, even though she was only lit by the vibrating light of the screen, he could tell that she was crying. Her hand was in front of her mouth, tears rushing down her face and she was in a visible hurry to get out. Arthur was truly surprised that nobody followed her at least to ask what’s wrong. He looked around one last time, but none of the workers paid attention, they, just like the patients, were fixated on the movie, so Arthur sprung after Lola. She was well ahead of him, but he could see her turning onto a lesser used hallway. She collapsed onto the floor, hiding behind the cabinet and finally with the comforting coldness of the wall behind her back, she could let her sobs out. Arthur tried to approach her as carefully as possible, it was weird for him to see her this vulnerable.  
\- Hey… - her whole body winced from his soft voice, getting ready to jump, but once she’d seen that it was Arthur her muscles relaxed a bit.  
\- Oh hey. What… what are you doing here, Arthur? – she tried to calm herself while wiping her tears with the sleeves of her shirt, pretending as if nothing had happened. Without much success of course.  
\- Are you OK? – he asked gingerly.  
\- Yeah, sure. Everything is fine – her voice cracked as another sudden sob erupted from her throat. – I mean… I know you’re not stupid Arthur and you can see that something is very much not fine. But there is nothing you can do to help.  
\- I can listen – he said after a while. Lola looked up at him, eyes full of pain and confusion. She didn’t say anything just gave him a small nod. He usually would have needed a little more encouragement but this time he decided to follow his instincts and sat down on the ground beside her. He left a good ten inches between them, but made sure that every other movement and expression he’d made was supportive and comforting. He wanted to touch her, to embrace her so bad, but he still needed to gather some courage for that. They sat in silence for a while, but he wasn’t hurrying her to talk.  
\- Have you ever felt like you fucked your whole life up, Arthur? – she finally spoke, staring into the air in front of her. – Like you could pinpoint the moment it all turned downhill?  
\- No… my life is going pretty smoothly – he said. Lola chuckled quietly, but it was only a second of joy in her ocean of sorrow.  
\- You know, I wanted to be a dancer… I was a dancer actually. But there was this girl… and she was new, but she was so full of herself. She constantly belittled me and everyone else, everybody hated her. And then she got a leading role that I really wanted. Better yet it was practically in my hand, but she managed to snatch it from me. And then she even had the audacity to rub it in my face. – he could tell she was getting angry just talking about it. – And I snapped… I was doing everyone a favor by shutting her up for a few minutes. – tears filled her eyes up again. – I only got a year for assault, because the attempted murder charges were dropped, but I wanted to kill her. And I most definitely would have, if I hadn’t been stopped. So yeah… I can safely say that the moment I ruined my whole life was when I decided to give in to my urges and ignore the consequences just to feel her squirming under my hands as I cut off her airflow. - she was trembling with rage.  
Arthur put his hand on her shoulder, gently caressing her with his thumb. This wasn’t something he’d expected to hear from Lola, but in a way he felt even more connected to her.  
\- Sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself… you don’t have to take everything they try to shove down your throat.  
\- I know, but it just wasn’t worth it in my case… - she was on the verge of crying again. - …because I’ll never dance again. – she couldn’t hold it back any longer. She let her tears escape and she clasped her arms around Arthur’s body almost instinctively.  
\- Who says you can never dance again? – he pulled her closer into the embrace. – I would love to see you dance sometime.  
\- Thank you, Arthur – she laid her head into the crook of his neck. – Thank you so much – she whispered making him shiver. His scent was so nice, so clean and fresh spiced with the fragrance of cigarettes. He let Lola lean on his shoulder, just enjoying her company and the touching of their skin. It was nice to hold a girl in his arms even if the circumstances weren’t exactly ideal. Arthur felt proud for being the only one who cared enough to follow her. She would definitely like him more than the others after this.  
Even though Lola calmed down a little bit she still was visibly tense at heart, Arthur could tell. Unable to know whether she even smoked, he offered her the only thing that usually made him a little more relaxed: a cigarette. She accepted without saying a word. Minutes passed in silence as they let the grey smoke fill up the hallway.  
\- I never told anybody about this – she spoke at last after putting out her cigarette on the tiles and flicking it under the cabinet. Most of her colleagues knew why she went to prison, but not her motives. – Thank you for being so understanding.  
\- Well, I’m not in a place to judge. I know a thing or two about losing control. – he paused. – Perhaps you’ve seen it… - he always wondered whether she’d known who he was, why he was here.  
\- Yes. Although I don’t think there’s a single person in Gotham who hasn’t – she giggled. – But it’s almost like you’re a whole different person than the one I’d seen on TV.  
\- Sometimes it feels like it wasn’t me – he thought for a second. – I mean my therapist told me not to shift the blame and to take responsibility, which I try to do so obviously it was me. But when I put my makeup on, I did feel like a different person. – Lola got out of the embrace and faced him visibly intrigued.  
\- You think that was the key? The clown-face?  
\- I mean I wasn’t taking my medicine, and I had a rough couple of days – he laughed awkwardly. – But yeah, the paint and suit made me feel… powerful. And all those people who agreed with me… - it was obviously hard for him to talk about this. Convinced by years of therapy that he should be ashamed of his actions. As much as Lola wanted to see it as the triumph of modern psychology, she just couldn’t. She had adored the Joker for too long.  
\- It wasn’t a mistake. They agreed with you because you were right – she said almost inaudibly, knowing that she shouldn’t be saying this.  
\- You think so? – his eyes suddenly lit up and he looked at her like a puppy.  
\- Sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself. You don’t have to take everything they try to shove down your throat. And you were the king of that. – he didn’t answer, he just smiled to himself coyly. Not many people in the hospital had ever told him anything reassuring, but of course they hadn’t. He felt like Lola was proud of him, better yet she liked him. And not just the well-behaved, medicated Arthur, she liked him when he was truly himself. Definitely a first.  
She let him dwelve in his thought for a minute, before reaching for his hand.  
\- Come on now, let’s go back before they notice we left. – he let her lead him back to the TV room, although at this point he probably would have followed her anywhere. It felt awfully natural to walk hand in hand silently. Just before sneaking back to their seats Lola pulled him closer.  
\- When I dance for you, Arthur… - she whispered into his ear, after he instinctively put his hands on her waist. – … I will want you to dance with me – Lola wanted to kiss him badly, but the risk was too high, so she broke away from his touch and entered the room cautiously. Arthur stood there for a while consumed by his thoughts. This had gone unbelievably well. His rage from before evaporated into satisfaction and… hope maybe? Surely this wasn’t something she’d do with any of the other patients.  
He returned to his seat a few rows behind her. The movie went by quite fast, not that Arthur had been paying too much attention. The fact that they’d missed key elements of the movie and more so his racing thoughts made it impossible for him to focus. But he held himself together until he was finally escorted back to his cell, sadly not by Lola. He could have kissed her then, but his luck ran out for the day. Once lying on his bed, Arthur could allow himself to fall into a deep hole of visions. He’d generally seen his sometimes too vivid imagination as a curse, but from time to time he could turn it into a blessing. Not very often and he always had to remind himself what was reality and what was only in his head, but the fact that he could was a small thing worth celebrating. He put his hands on his chest where hers were just an hour ago, closed his eyes and let his fantasies fog up his mind. In his mind Lola was in a nurse uniform, but not the kind that nurses wore in here, the type you get when you try to put together a Halloween costume last-minute. A tight, white mini dress with a red cross on it, a headpiece, stethoscope and lots and lots of cleavage. She danced, not in a way of course as the dancer she was, but what the tightness of the dress let her. She looked a little tipsy. Arthur smiled to himself, squirming a little. The very next moment she was naked, getting closer and closer with her little awkward dance. He was fully prepared to imagine their first time together, when he suddenly heard one of the chairs screeching on the floor. He looked up startled.  
\- Hey, Arthur – Gary said, while clumsily climbing onto the chair. – Hope I’m not bothering you.  
\- Hello Gary. I’m sorry you had to see this – Arthur said. Of course he failed to notice that his friend was speaking with an American accent.  
\- It’s alright, I came unannounced. She’s a really pretty girl.  
\- Yeah… yeah she is. – he nodded repeatedly.  
\- Is she your girlfriend? – Gary started to snack on some raisins he seemingly pulled out of nowhere.  
\- I think so… How did you get in here? This floor is very heavily guarded.  
\- I’m really small, remember?  
\- Well, thanks for stopping by… it always means a lot when you visit me.  
\- It’s my pleasure, Arthur. We really miss you at Haha’s. You were the best clown, you know… – all it took was a loud bang from one of the neighboring cells for him to snap back to reality and see Gary completely fade from the chair. Within second he realized that his mind had played a sick joke on him yet again. His laughter erupted without warning from the thought of how easily he could be deceived by himself. Even after establishing it multiple times with his therapist that Gary couldn’t possibly visit him, not that he would want to. He wished to return his fantasies back to Lola, but he just couldn’t get himself to. The sour aftertaste of being tricked by his head into imagining a whole person completely lingered and he wasn’t ready to make her part of his visions again. Even if he would do it consciously. He needed her to stay as real as possible, for as long as possible.


End file.
